Extended Family (week 13)

I’ve always thought this scripture, while it has a point, was always a little stiff, "Therefore
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife." I feel like a lot
of couples take this as meaning never go for advice, dinner, fhe, holidays, babysitting ect.  
Elder Marvin J. Ashton clarifies this and I really like what he had to say, “Certainly a
now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness, protection, comfort, and
total support, but in leaving father, mother, and other family members, it was never intended
that they now be ignored, abandoned, shunned, or deserted. They are still family, a great
source of strength …. Wise parents, whose children have left to start their own families,
realize their family role still continues, not in a realm of domination, control, regulation,
supervision, or imposition, but in love, concern, and encouragement.”

But he also states that,  “Sensitive parents-in-law recognize it is important for couples to
develop their own traditions and have time together on special occasions. Parents can help
by genuinely not pressuring their grown children to be at every family gathering, even
though they will be missed.”

This week we also read that individuals bring their own family rules to the marriage.
From Till Debt Do Us Part by Bernard Poduska “Because of your upbringing in your
particular family (your "family of origin"), certain rules guide you in your social roles,
govern your interpersonal relationships, set limits on your behavior, and enable you to
reasonably predict the behavior of others. Among these family rules are expectations
about how to manage your finances—and as you might have guessed, the rules each
of you has "inherited" will most likely be different.” There are 3 basic ones  explicit:
"Don't talk with your mouth full”, implicit: which chair is Dad's, and intuitive: "Never
marry someone of a different race (or religion, nationality, socioeconomic status)”.
When you realize what your rules are that each of you bring you can better
understand one another.

Power and Councils (week 12)

This weeks reading was about who should be the boss in the family and holding a council.

In a article Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families by Richard B. Miller, PhD

Director of the School of Family Life Brigham Young University said, “In healthy,

well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children.

Parents are the “executive committee” and the “board of directors” of a family.

As with any other leadership position, parents should not be harsh, domineering,

or dictatorial, but they are the leaders of the family, and the children need to follow

that leadership.” He also said, "It is important that parents work together in 

their leadership in the family. Sometimes a parent forms a coalition with 

a child against the other parent. Although usually unspoken, a parent 

undermines the other parent." 

Then in talking about councils Miller said, "Healthy marriages consist of an 

equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Many marital problems have 

as their root cause an unequal relationship or struggles over who has control in 

the relationship." Then in another article Counseling with Our Councils M. Russell

Ballard added “Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal

opportunities, they do have different duties in His eternal plan—and yet these

differing roles and duties are equally significant...To His sons He gave the

priesthood and the responsibilities of fatherhood, and to His daughters He gave

the responsibilities of motherhood, each with its attendant functions.” This makes the

perfect combo to be able to work together as husband and wife.

It is not just the husbands job to make all the decisions for the family just because

they have the priesthood. "Priesthood is about service, not servitude; compassion,

not compulsion; caring, not control. Those who think otherwise are operating outside t

he parameters of their authority and are gravely mistaken." (Ballard)

Sexual Intimacy (week 11)

This week was about sexual intimacy in marriage. I don’t have any experience with this as seeing
I’m not married but I did read somethings that might be helpful. In an article “Fulfilling the Sexual
Stewardship in Marriage” by Sean E. Brotherson he said, “Fidelity includes refraining from
physical contact—but that is not all. Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and
respect between husband and wife. Inappropriate interactions with another person can
erode fidelity. Fidelity in marriage”

From the same article Brotherson said, “As Latter-day Saints, most of the dialogue that we
hear about sexual matters consists of two primary categories:

(1) The incessant chatter and noise of the world, Satan, and related sources that constantly
hype and sensationalize sexual intimacy with distorted images of sensuality and misplaced
or twisted values and expressions of sexuality.

(2) The powerful and compelling warnings of prophetic leaders and caring Church
members who seek to steer us away from pornography, sexual exploitation, and
immorality in sexual matters.But there is a third part of the dialogue, seldom heard or
discussed, and yet it comprises perhaps the most important and powerful portion of our
understanding about sexual intimacy. It is the dialogue about the sanctity, power and emotional
depth of proper sexual intimacy in the companionship of a married husband and wife.
Too often we listen only to the first two strands of the dialogue, and if we listen long enough, we

may come to believe that the only kind of discussion about sexuality that is warranted is
the dialogue about what Satan tempts us to do and what the Church teaches us not to do.
Such a dialogue, however important, is not a recipe for fully understanding and creating
sexual fulfillment as a married couple. Ignorance is the first enemy of sexual fulfillment
in marriage. In an unpublished manuscript on sexual fulfillment in marriage,
a friend of mine has written: ‘For some LDS couples, especially those where one or both struggle
with negative feelings about sex, doctrinal permission feels needed to even discuss or
study such things. It is okay to read about sex. It is okay to talk about sex.’ “

I believe this is an important part of being married. Couples need to seek to understand
and talk openly with each other to know this part of the Lord’s plan.