Managing Conflict (week 9)

In the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" Gottman has come up with a model for resolving conflict: Soften your start-up, Learn to make and receive repair attempts, Soothe yourself and each other, Compromise, Process any grievances so that they don’t linger

“It all comes down to having good manners.” Gottman says, “It means treating your spouse with the same respect you would offer to company. If a guest leaves an umbrella,we say, ’Here. You forgot your umbrella.’ We would never think of saying, ‘What’s wrong with you!? You are constantly forgetting things’…what’s really being requested of you is no more than would be asked if you were dealing with an acquaintance, much less the person who has vowed to share his or her life with you.”   

From the talk "Agency and Anger" by Elder Lynn G. Robbins he said, “A cunning part of Satan’s strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control. We hear, “I lost my temper.” Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To “lose something” implies “not meaning to,” “accidental,” “involuntary,” “not responsible”—careless perhaps but “not responsible.” “He made me mad.” This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!”